Where Do We Go Now

2017 was the "Year of the Woman." It began almost a year ago when the Women's March became the largest protest in history, occurring in multiple cities across the country...without an arrest. And women took part in even more protests. They protested Trump's Travel Ban, healthcare. They have overwhelmed Capitol Hill and their Representatives and Senator's offices. It was black

"Nevertheless, she persisted."

women who kept Judge Roy Moore from winning the election to replace Jeff Session's Senate seat. "Nevertheless, she persisted." became another rallying cry when Senator Elizabeth Warren was told to sit down during a talk she was giving. Of course, the Women's March wasn't only women. There were a lot of supportive, progressive thinking men. They could be seen at every protest. Inspiring many, many women, the Women's

A record number of women
running

March inspired women to not only protest but to make a change in our government by running for office.

In October, accusations of sexual assault against producer Harvey Weinstein broke in the New York Times. He was fired, everywhere, got blackballed from Hollywood, is being investigated in multiple jurisdictions for rape - rightly so. Last I heard, he was in some treatment center in Arizona. 

A domino effect started. Men in Hollywood, in media and in politics also were accused. Besides Weinstein, at least 40 men have made the list. Some of the most well-known and respected Matt Lauer, Mark Halperin, Glenn Thrush, Roy Moore, Steven Segal, Charlie Rose, Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Spacey, George H.W. Bush, and Ben Affleck ad nauseum.

Some of the men accused of sexual misconduct

Politicians accused are Senator Al Franken (D-MN), Rep. Bobby Scott (D-VA), Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ), Rep. Ruben Kihuen (D-NV), Rep. Blake Farenthold (R-TX), and Rep. John Conyers Jr (D-MI).

Probably why so many men were accused of sexual assault would

be the #MeToo movement. It began with Alyssa Milano when she encouraged victims of sexual assault come forward using the hashtag #MeToo. Millions of people came forward, and yes, men too, using that hashtag. There was no need to say who it was or tell a story, simply use the hashtag. 

Sexual assault (which is an umbrella term for anything from fondling to rape) is one of the most under-reported violent crimes in the country. For women who come forward and speak up about their attacks takes an enormous amount courage. They are talking

about the most difficult moments in their lives. They have to describe what happened in detail, including the violation of the most intimate parts of their bodies - and that includes their minds. Since it is an action between two people, it's her word against her attacker's. If she reports it to authorities, she will be telling it over and over.

And this is when the victim is a female. Men are assaulted too, and they report it less than women do. And yes, they are likely to be assaulted by women. They have even more reason to not report because of how society views the roles of men and women. They feel extremely humiliated and emasculated. After all, men are supposed to protect women, not be sexually assaulted by them.

Because of this, studies have shown that those, either male or female, who share their traumatic stories, whether it just happened or decades ago, are being truthful for the most part. 

The "Me Too" movement empowers victims to come forward. However, to continue its goal of encouraging victims to come forward, there needs to be a more responsible way to report it. While most people who accuse are telling the truth, it is just as easy to make up a story to destroy someone else's life - and all it takes is social media. There are no clear definitions, and there are no repercussions for false allegations made online. I don't know what the solution is. Whether those accused online admitted to their actions or not, they, for the most part, have lost their jobs and have been blacklisted.

None of these accusations were made in court or in person, they were made on social media, and there were no charges. Most of those accused faced irreversible public damage within hours of it being posted. What if there are any innocent men? People are having their entire lives destroyed, and that of their families and those who care about them. Even if the women publicly admits to making up allegations, the man's life is still destroyed. His character, his reputation, his family, his career, his housing situation can all be ruined. Our Constitution provides for a presumption of innocence until brought before a jury of their peers and declared guilty. I completely support the "Me Too" movement, though it needs to open up to all victims - men and children. I can't support "Believe All Women." though. Women are just as likely to get into positions of power, to make men feel uncomfortable, and also to inappropriately

Attitudes like this will not improve equality between
men and women.

touch, violate, abuse, assault, and to lie. While I am aware that false allegations are not common, even one man falsely accused is an injustice. I don't know what the solution is to this, but I know the total annihilation of men accused with what really are questionable behaviors isn't it. 

There are people like Emily Lindin, a Teen Vogue columnist and feminist, who has no problem with innocent men taking the fall. Some quotes: "Not at all concerned about innocent men losing their jobs." "The benefit of us getting to finally tell the truth + the impact on victims FAR outweigh the loss of any one man's reputation. IF some innocent men's reputations have to take a hit in the process of undoing the patriarchy, that is a price that I am absolutely willing to

Emily Lindin

pay." "How many of our reputations have suffered unfairly?" "How many of our lives have ALREADY BEEN destroyed because of physical violence against us? Why is that acceptable, but no one man's (potentially) unfair loss of a career opportunity is not?" Her attitude of "Whatever it takes and who cares about those men" is exactly what I was talking about above in regards to false allegations. She isn't paying the price for these men's reputations. They are. Their wives are. The children are. and everyone who cares about them. All of them and their families - innocent. Why should his wife and kids be as guilty as he allegedly is?

Jake Tapper of CNN came up with a good response to Ms. Lindin. He basically said that she must have flunked her report in 7th grade

for "To Kill a Mockingbird." One of the narratives through the book is the trial of a black man, with a wife and children, falsely accused of rape in 1930s Alabama.




Fair is fair. What a man can do, so can a woman. At least for the most part. There are obvious differences between the two genders. Why do we get to claim victimization? Why do we

WANT to claim that we are victims? Isn't empowerment about throwing away the mantle of "victim"? Why has no one thought to look for male victims and invite them to say "Me Too"? There are at least 15 men and boys who accused Kevin Spacey. Where is the outcry for those victims? He's a pedophile. Why is that not a topic? Wait, wasn't there some other man also accused...? A judge or something? Oops, forgot...his under-aged victims were female. I wonder how lost Spacey's victims feel? They were attacked and victimized just as badly as women, but are the wrong gender for any sympathy. Even when they were children at the time the alleged abuse happened.


Are not men objectified also? Here are some headlines made about the U.S. Men's Olympic team in Rio: "2016 Rio Olympics: The U.S. Men Gymnasts, Ranked by Ab Appeal." "All the Shirtless

Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush -Hager

Ryan Lochte Photos You Could Ever Possibly Want." "34 Team U.S.A. Hotties Representing in Rio." "This Hot Brazilian Gymnast Will Quench Your Parched Soul." "The Hottest Olympic Dudes to Root For in Rio." "If Oiling This Athlete's Body Was an Olympic Sport, We'd Win Gold Everytime." I'm assuming the last comment had something to do with Jenna Bush Hager and Hoda Kotb rubbing oil on an athlete's chest. This is just as wrong as it would be if it was done to a woman.

If those headlines were written about women, what would be said? If two men from the media slathered oil on a woman athlete's leg, would you think the woman was being sexually exploited? Let's be honest, both men and women are being exploited. Some feminists

believe that there is no way for a man to be sexually harassed or assaulted. They claim that a woman wouldn't even think of doing that. Besides, assault, violation, and humiliation are never as bad for a man as it is for a woman, so even if a woman did it, it's okay. Men who are raped experience the same trauma psychologically that women do. They also have to deal with issues confronting their masculinity.  

Because of that attitude, it is so much more permissible for women to touch men (or teenagers) without consent. A bar in Inverness, Scotland (Hootananny's) had to change their work uniforms from kilts to pants because women would either grab and lift up their kilts to see if they were going commando and/or grabbed their genitals. Like women, how a man dresses is not a reason to assault them. Kilts are the National Dress of Scotland, and are symbolically worn to demonstrate patriotism and honor. No police were called,

Each kilt represents a family, clan, or region.

probably because it was considered "harmless fun." How would it go over if men walked into a restaurant and grabbed the female servers' breasts outright? Looked down their shirts to see if they are real and if not, how good a job the doctor did? My guess would be that other men would've stopped and detained them until the police could come to arrest the jerks. 

If a female celebrity has provocative photographs released without their consent, we are told not to look at them and that she was

violated (I agree, she was violated) but those same women eagerly look at nude photographs of male celebrities (If those pictures were released without their consent, they are also violated.) A man will get fired for rubbing up against a woman, but if it's a woman rubbing her breasts against a man, it's acceptable. Suggestive jokes are also allowed for women. Men get yelled at and called "a chauvinist". There is a very broad double standard when it comes to sexual harassment or abuse.

Sexual assault does not occur because the perpetrator thinks the victim is attractive and wants to have a relationship. It isn't about sex. It's about power and robbing the victim of dignity, self-esteem, and peace of mind.

Something died inside of the victim. That is what the attacker takes away using that reprehensible power. It doesn't matter who is being harassed at work by someone who has authority over them. It's wrong and abusive. If they feel uncomfortable with being touched, flirted with, having someone hover over them and really inappropriate comments, jokes, and advances, then that person's quality of work is going to suffer and being there will be unbearable - whether the victim is a man or a woman. Men also have feelings and boundaries that can be crossed.

No one pays any attention to the objectification and sexual abuse that men deal with either. Usually, the very same women that are the first to cry sexual abuse in their workplaces are just as guilty of committing that same behavior to their male co-workers. Standing around talking about the nude pictures of Orlando Bloom that he

didn't consent to release is just as offensive to men as Pamela Anderson's latest centerfold is to women. 

How does victimizing men, get woman sexual, social, or economic equality? It doesn't. It just sends a message that we as a society are perfectly fine judging and being judged by our sexuality.

I feel all sexually motivated actions without consent is sexual assault but at different levels. Fondling is not the same as rape, incest, or pedophilia. While there are vague definitions (very vague) like fondling is considered unwanted touching for sexual gratification. Sexual assault is defined as unwanted sexual contact. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network adds to that by stating "that stops short of rape or attempted rape." The Department

of Justice defines it as "...defined as any contact or behaviors that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape."As far as rape goes, Wikipedia says "Rape is a type of sexual assault usually involving sexual intercourse or other forms of penetration carried out on a person without that person's consent." On Findlaw: "The crime of rape refers to non-consensual sexual intercourse that is committed physical force, threat of injury, or other duress." It goes on to state that "Common Law defined rape as unlawful intercourse by a man against a woman who is not his wife by force or threat against her will. However, most states have refined and broadened the statutory definition of rape so that marriage, gender, and force are not relevant. The victim's lack of consent is the crucial element."

Literally, you can find different definitions anywhere, and that makes enforcing any laws - or making any laws - difficult. We need to be able to define each aspect of sexual assault specifically. And there needs to be a process for reporting people and no statute of limitations. And there needs to be different degrees of committing an assault.

For example, Roy Moore had nine victims, who were sought out by the Washington Post after they heard rumors. They talked to these women, investigated it, and verified it by 30 people. There's the added fact that he was banned from going to the mall because he

stalked teenage girls there. He even said on air with Sean Hannity that he never dated a teenage girl without her mother's consent. What he did was pedophilia. What makes it worse was he was an attorney general in his 30's when he assaulted these teenage girls.


Senator Al Franken was accused of assaulting eight women. Yet there is no solid evidence to prove it, beyond the picture with Leeann Tweeden's, really. But more on that later.

Leeann Tweeden wrote a piece on her encounter with Senator Franken while on a USO tour in 2006 on the radio station website where she works as a news anchor. While the Harvey Weinstein allegations were meticulously reported, Tweeden's account was

Leann Tweeden on another
USO Tour

basically copied and pasted into publications and websites worldwide WITHOUT any vetting whatsoever. It would've been simple for a newspaper with a budget to investigate her claims, hunt down other people on the USO tour to see if Leeann Tweeden started behaving differently. If she avoided Al Franken. How did Al Franken behave towards her? What about the other women on the tour?

In her account, she said that Al Franken had written the skit, asked her to do it and she said yes. Then she looked at the script and read it. When she got to the kissing scene, she thought that Franken had put that in because she was the one there. 

However, there is a video of another woman playing the same part on a USO tour in 2003, three years before. So, it wasn't written in just for her, nor did Al Franken write it. Tweeden also stated that she agreed to rehearse the kiss. She agreed to the skit, and to the

Al Franken kissing Leeann Tweeden during a skit
on a USO tour in 2006

kissing scene. As appalling as it was for her, and I don't doubt that it was, she said she'd do it. If she was already disgusted by the thought of kissing Al Franken, then the act itself would be extremely offensive. And if she was dreading it, the kiss would seem even worse than what it really was.

There is also the fact that an Escort Officer followed Franken everywhere he went - even to the bathroom. He contradicted that Franken was ever alone with Tweeden and there was nothing except light-hearted humor going on.

Then there's her behavior while on the USO tours. There is a picture of her from the 2006 tour where she is kissing a soldier. I

A soldier kissing and wrapping his leg around
Leeann Tweeden.

don't think it was expected, from how wide his eyes are. There are pictures of her bumping and grinding against a guitar player and grabbing his butt. During the skit she did with Al Franken, there is a picture of a soldier kissing her. She even allowed him to wrap his leg around her. 

On an earlier USO tour, she introduces Robin Williams and when he comes out, wraps her leg around him as if simulating sex and also grabbing his butt.

Leeann Tweeden rubbing herself against another member of the
USO tour in 2006

I wasn't able to confirm this, Roger Stone knew about her allegation before it was released, and she is a frequent guest on Sean Hannity, and had shown him the picture shortly after it was taken. Al Franken was scoring points in the Senate Committee hearings, especially against Jeff Sessions. I happen to think that it sounds a bit hokey. If it wasn't, it would be easier to find information regarding it.

It was also strange, at least to me, that she didn't want him to lose his job or an Ethics Investigation to happen. She's angry at him for ten years but just wants an apology? If that was all, couldn't her people contacted his people and have a one on one talk?

No, her behavior usually shouldn't be brought up, but in this case, her behavior is well documented, but the kiss is not. The picture is

Leeann Tweeden with Robin Williams
during another USO tour.

there, and it's boorish, but does it measure up? Facts seem to indicate that there is a preponderance of doubt for what Senator Franken was accused of.

As for the photograph, it's wrong on so many levels. It was not even being close to funny. I imagine that when she first saw it, she was furious, but also a little nauseous. Though in very bad taste, he was not touching her. We also have no way to know what happened before or after when

Al Franken poses in a classless and
juvenile photograph

the picture was taken. I do know that there are pictures of Franken grabbing the breasts of other women with their consent, like Joy Behar and Ariana Huffington for a comedic reaction.

It should also be noted like Leeann Tweeden did, that these skits are targeted towards young men away from home and are sexualized. All of this creates an environment where at best the lines are blurred.

(Right) - Al Franken with Joy Behar
(Left) - With Ariana Huffington

She stated in her account that she was angry and wouldn't have anything to do with Al Franken. In 2009, however, she attended the USO Awards which was specifically honoring Al Franken. There

Leeann Tweeden and Al Franken at the
2009 USO Awards honoring Senator Franken

are several pictures of her and him conversing with smiles. I can see where she felt obligated to go, but there was certainly no obligation standing around joking with her. 

And finally, it is being reported that she signed a book contract for her story with Sinclair Broadcasting. A conservative company that has also published books by Steve Bannon.

Leeann Tweeden and Al Franken on a USO Tour in 2006 

Another accuser said that Franken had grabbed her behind for about three or four seconds. However, most of the fondling accusations happened in public while he was doing events, taking thousands of photos, and talking. There are a lot of distractions and maybe he moved to look at something? 

I don't think these women are lying. It very much could've happened. Everyone has boundaries and it is easy for someone to violate them, and in turn, for the other person to be violated. It doesn't mean it didn't happen...there needs to be standards before a life is destroyed.

With Roy Moore there was proof. However, I don't think that the accusations against Senator Al Franken were verified enough to

force his retirement from the Senate and ruin all the work he has done there. Especially when he was so willing to go before the Ethics Committee. Usually, guilty people don't ask for investigations. The Ethics Committee has the ability to investigate complaints, determine their value, and decide the future for a member of Congress. No one should be accused in the media and have it end their career without proof of wrongdoing.

As time goes by, our memories can fade, and it is easy to remember things differently. Actually, it's perfectly normal. Leeann Tweeden's

kiss with Franken might not be as disgusting as she thinks it was. It was 11 years ago. The disgust over that kiss would've grown in that time period. making it appear bigger than it was. And Franken, who wasn't disgusted, stated that he remembered it differently. If that's the case, it wasn't an issue for him. It was a skit he did on a 2006 USO tour. As Franken entered politics, he went to hundreds of events where he talked and took pictures with people. Thousands of people had their pictures taken with him. Again, the women are not lying. Certainly, political functions would be one way for a guy (or gal) to cop a feel. But he only has eight accusers.

I've been to hundreds of concerts and a high number of meet and greets where I'm having my picture taken with the bands. Unless

Foreigner and I, February 2017

someone grabbed a part of my body for a prolonged amount of time, I don't know if there was any intended touching without my consent. As for getting my picture taken...nothing there either. Contact with the bands at these meet and greets was only a few seconds. Shake hands, get the picture taken, and on you go. If one of them were inappropriately touching me, it was only a second or two - nothing long enough for me to acknowledge.

Looking at it logically, there should be accusations going back through his career as a comedian who made off-color jokes on Saturday Night Live. Eight women who worked as staffers for Senator Franken and 36 women that he worked with on Saturday

Night Live all released statements stating that he acted in a professional manner. And Saturday Night Live would be another perfect platform for sexual harassment and blurred lines, I might add. 

What I wrote above was hard. We shouldn't "accuse" or "blame" victims like Leann Tweeden. So as I was typing I was thinking

"this is so wrong." No, it's not wrong. It is a travesty of justice to be accused of a heinous crime and then not have it proven. To prove guilt or innocence, research needs to be done. If the New York Times had meticulously researched Tweeden's accusation against Franken, I probably wouldn't be here right now typing about this. 

I'm not sure if you noticed or not, but I left "sexual harassment" out of the definitions above. This was because it was the most common

one used in workplace harassment and it is the most ambiguous.

Definition from the dictionary: "harassment (typically of a woman) in a workplace, or other professional or social situation, involving the making of unwanted sexual advancements or obscene remarks." The EEOC defines it as: "It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person's sex. Harassment can include "sexual harassment" or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.
Harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person's sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general.
Both victim and harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex.
Although the law doesn't prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile work or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired and demoted).

The harasser can be the victim's supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer."

It's ambiguous and contradictory. It doesn't have to be sexual harassment to be sexual harassment? Offhand comments aren't

Pardon my ambiguousness.

prohibited, but what are the ones that are prohibited? How does simple teasing about how men refuse to get directions or comments on women's shopping habits leads to sexual harassment? Where is the line? Is it with the one who is offended?

It makes anything that upsets a person liable for sexual harassment if it makes the work environment stressful. This is maybe trivializing it a bit (though it meets what the rule is,) Larry picks his nose. It's gross and disgusting. Marie can't stand it. It literally makes her nauseous. She begins to dread going to work, and as a

result, it begins to suffer and she calls in sick a few times. Under the definition above, it fits harassment. It isn't sexual in nature, but is offensive and has affected the quality of work.

What about the personalities involved? I'm very sensitive and I have to know what is going on around me. There is a limit where people can invade my personal space and situations where I have to leave. However, if I know you and like you, be prepared for a hug because I'm a hugger. But some people aren't huggers. For them, it would be inappropriate contact. Also, all humans, actually, any living creature are sexual beings. There are going to be jokes

on the tasteless side. And, yes, I find them funny. I also find jokes about gender funny. For people who are sensitive, it would be offensive. But is it bad enough for someone to lose their job? Unless it's at home, people don't work in their own personal bubble. Chances are people are going to be offended by something several times a day. There is a line that can be crossed, but most of the time the best thing is to let it go. 

An executive for Miller Brewing Co. was dismissed because he was describing a scene from Seinfeld that was risque. A woman

complained and he was fired (and won a huge lawsuit). Don't women do the same? This is where equality comes in. There shouldn't be any double standard when it's clear that it's done by both men and women.

One more story: a man was put on probation after hugging a secretary who had just lost her mother. It was reported by another woman. Does this mean that other women can report that I'm being sexually harassed? Even when it's obvious that I don't consider it sexual harassment? Or that the person who hugged me I consider a friend and he was offering comfort because I lost a loved one? If that happened to me, I would report that woman for sticking her nose in my business and my friendship.

Men are worried about all these lines made in the sand, erased, and moved. They are forming groups to discuss what it is. They are avoiding their female colleagues which also makes for a difficult working situation. No longer are there social gatherings after work to meet up and de-stress. Companies even canceled holiday parties last year because what is considered sexual harassment is so broad and general that they didn't want to take a chance. Even the most progressive thinking men are looking at their past and

thinking about their past relationships and jokes told and wondering if they offended someone. I've even read where men have called former colleagues and asked them. Are men going to stop dating now? Insist on double-dates? Wear a body camera or recorder in order to protect themselves?

Women should also be thinking of their past actions. As mentioned

This could be reversed where the
woman is using the banana for
denigration.

above, they are just as likely to cross the line with their male colleagues. And women rarely face any consequences. Most men are too ashamed to report and that what women say or do are considered "harmless," while if a man were reported for doing the same thing, he would be fired.  Society fails to see that both men and women are treated with inequality - or that we can come close to equality by accepting things that affect both men and women the same. Just because a majority of sexual assault victims are women does not mean that men who are victims should be ignored. 

Not all accusations are well-substantiated.  There needs to be verification. Our laws provide for the presumption of innocence. But right now the court is on the internet and the truth doesn't matter. Destroying lives, however, seems to be great fun. When

does going from accusations of criminal behavior turn into criminalizing behavior once considered cavalier and tasteless? Right now, every man is living in fear of being accused. Or to report about being a victim. Can you blame them? Who would believe them in this current climate? 

"Innocent until proven guilty." John Mortimer called the presumption of innocence as a golden thread running through any progressive idea of justice. Actor Jeremy Piven, an actor from the show "Entourage," is accused of the sexual harassment of three women. I don't know if he's guilty or not. Personally, I didn't read much about it. In his statement, after his categorical denial of the allegations, he wrote: 

"We seem to be entering dark times - allegations are being printed as facts and lives are in jeopardy without a hearing, due process or evidence. I hope we can give people the benefit of a doubt before we rush to judgment.
Continuing to tear each other down and destroy careers based on more allegations is not productive on any level. I hope we can use this moment to being a constructive dialogue on these issues, which are real and need to be addressed."

He couldn't be more right. I don't know what can be done, especially if the allegation's statute of limitations is up. But there should be an effort to go through legal paths instead of destroying a person's life on social media using allegations that have not been vetted. Obviously, someone accused is going to get criticized on social media. It is up to his workplace to protect him/her until due process.

What is happening now needs to happen. If it continues along the same path, though, it wall fall down just as fast as it was built. Just

like Harvey Weinstein started #MeToo, one person could end it. We are doing ourselves a disservice when we wear all black to the Golden Globes and rage against how women have been treated and victimized without allowing an equal platform. Violence knows no gender. 

I am truly inspired by the women who have come forward. I'm praying for a time when there is justice for sexual abuse and ALL victims can be free to come forward without any repercussions or retaliation.

I would be even more inspired if women took off their black attire and opened up their arms to the men who are also victims. Demonizing an entire gender and ignoring their suffering will not bring justice for all - or justice for one.